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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Paul Trembling


Time, Art & Criticism

There was only one exhibit, but it dominated the room. A discreet brass plaque gave its title: 'Seasons of a Tree'.

The Tree itself was an oak, I think - it's not really my area. Full size, fully grown. It appeared to be just putting out the first leaves of spring. And it was ever so slightly blurred. Not so much as to be obvious, but as you stared at it your eyeballs started to ache, and then you realised that you were constantly trying to focus properly. It was as if the light around the Tree had been slightly greased.

"What do you think?"

I turned round, mildly surprised to be addressed. I don't get invited to many of these functions, and tend to be a bit of a wallflower when I do. I'm a newcomer in this field, a hanger-on and an eavesdropper to the conversations of the Great and the Wise.

But, having said that, there were surprisingly few guests for such a prestigious event - and many of those were there 'in light only'. Nor were there as many famous faces, real or holo-projected, as I would have expected.

"I'm impressed," I replied cautiously. "It's - dramatic. Different. Totally unique, of course." Out of the corner of my eye I saw that the Tree was now fully leaved, radiating that quality of green that nature does so well and artists struggle to imitate.

"Anything else, Mr - Garden, is it?"

"Gardine," I corrected carefully, smiling to show that I wasn't offended. "I edit an Art Netzine - Insights."

He gave a polite smile to show that he'd never heard of it, or of me, which I fully expected. I was trying hard to think of his name. I was sure that that flat, hard-edged face was familiar, but I couldn't place it.

"Well, the most exiting thing about this exhibition," I continued, "is that it's something totally new in Art. I mean, this is the first completely new medium to be devised in - centuries, at least. It's radical! It's going to break the mould and let in some fresh air and new light!" As I spoke, I could feel the genuine enthusiasm breaking out from inside me. "This is exactly what Art needs just now, now more than ever - something to turn it upside down!"


Enthusiasm can be dangerous in Art circles. It can get you sneered at. But my lapse from good taste had prompted a more positive reaction: the smile became real, and then recognition clicked in.

"You're him, aren't you - Vechery, the Temporal Engineer!" The holo's I'd accessed hadn't communicated the essence of the man. Seen in the flesh, he fairly crackled with drive and intelligence. His rather ordinary features were transformed by the personality within.

"That's pronounced Veychery, Taran Vechery - and I'm here as an artist, not an engineer," he corrected, but he'd kept his smile. "I'm glad you like my first work. Here, come and look at it from over here..."

The Tree was now well into autumn, a blaze of crimson-gold that was already fading to duller shades, as leaves began to drift down.

"I think I like the Autumn best," said Vechery. "Such colours..."

"It's a real tree, then?" I asked.

"Of course. This isn't a holo projection, or some sort of trick!"

All the leaves were gone now, leaving the tree stark and bare in its winter.

"How long does it take to go through a year?"

Vechery gave me a sharp look, as if suspecting a trick question. "A year, of course. A year in its own temporal frame, that is. It interfaces with our standard temporal rate at about 14.43 KK's slip rate, that's with a precessional series boosted to..." he saw the look on my face. "Oh, sorry," he said, not sounding it. "I suppose the answer you want is that the Tree goes through a year in about a minute of our time. When it reaches 100 years old - in its reference - the field reverses, takes it back down to a seed. From our perspective, that is."

"What about the Tree's perspective? Doesn't it get a bit - ah - confused?"

"Do you?" Vechery chuckled. "From the Tree's point of view, we're the ones who keep going backwards and forwards. Temporal fields are self-contained: it's the interfaces between them that generate the apparent paradoxes. But don't try and grasp it. I can barely get a handle on it myself - you have to be a three-brained Isha'hassat to really visualize trans-temporal events. Just settle back and enjoy the show! Look, we're back in springtime... Now, who's this then?"

A small procession that had entered the room. Leading the way, dressed in a blaze of fashion, was the regal figure of Demidi De Soliel.

"You don't know?" I asked in sudden apprehension. The scent of critical disaster hung heavily in the room.

De Soliel drifted languidly through the sparse crowd with his entourage a discrete distance behind him. Pointedly, he did not approach the Tree, or even look at it. Instead he orbited, acknowledging greetings, bestowing a gracious word here or there, and picking up satellites. When he finally happened to notice the exhibit, he had incorporated most of the room into his train.

"Well, now." He cocked his head on one side, and gazed up and down the length of the trunk. "Well, well now. Isn't this interesting?"

He didn't sound interested. I could feel Vechery tense up beside me. "Who is he, Gardine?" he whispered.

"Demidi De Soliel," I whispered back. "Whatever you do, don't upset him!"

"Why ever not?" asked Vechery in genuine surprise. I had no time to answer. De Soliel had been slowly circling the Tree, and now stood face to face with its creator. I stepped back, so as not to be hit by a stray thunderbolt.

De Soliel had no trouble recognising Vechery - or in pronouncing his name.

"Ah, you must be Taran Vechery. I believe that you are the Engineer responsible for this.. device."

The way De Soliel pronounced 'engineer' produced an instant mental picture of oily spanners and dirty overalls.

To Vechery's credit, he sounded very calm when he replied.

"Yes, I'm Vechery. I'm the artist who has... created ... this temporal sculpture. I understand that your name is De Soliel?"

An eyebrow raised by a mere fraction was all the answer that Vechery received. De Soliel turned to look at the Tree once more.

"A temporal sculpture, you call it? How very quaint!" He turned to his nearest satellite, and spoke in a stage whisper. "I believe that I shall plant a tree and call it a 'non-temporal' sculpture!"

A titter of laughter swept over the gathering, and Vechery went pale. "Is that fatuous remark meant as serious criticism?" he asked tightly.

If the floor hadn't been carpeted, you'd have heard the jawbones bouncing. Demidi De Soliel had not been spoken to like that since he was a foetus. I was watching him closely, and I'm sure that he actually blinked.


"Oh, no, Mr Vechery." De Soliel purred. "Serious criticism is reserved for serious Art."
Dead silence. You could hear the Tree growing.

"Mr De Soliel." Vechery spoke very quietly. "You clearly do not understand what you are seeing. This Temporal Sculpture is a completely unique and original work. Nothing like it has ever been done before - indeed nothing like it could have been done before. Except by the Isha'hassat, but they have no interest in Art. Indeed, even now there are only 14 other human beings alive who could even attempt to reproduce this: and none of them are currently on Earth. You have never seen anything like this before in your life, Mr De Soliel. You should think of that before you make hasty judgments."

De Soliel's reply was loud and clear, and accompanied by a smile. A very gentle, pleasant smile. "But I have seen this before, Mr Vechery. I have a number of them in the grounds of my home - a wood, I believe it's known as." There was another outburst of titters, some of them quite loud, and even some chuckles and guffaws. "Moreover, I do not make hasty judgments, Mr Vechery. I simply know what Art is, and what it is not. And it is not the simple copying of Nature, no matter how clever the technical methods used. That is what I am seeing here, Mr Vechery - and now I have seen enough! Good day to you."

De Soliel turned and swept majestically away. Vechery raised a hand as if to hold him, but on impulse I pulled him back.

"You'll only make it worse," I hissed in his ear. He glared at me, but held back, and De Soliel was gone. With him went his whole entourage, not only those he had brought with him, but also those he'd collected since. The room was empty but for Vechery, myself, and the Tree, now once more in Autumn.

Vechery walked across to a dispenser, collected a drink, and as an afterthought got me one as well. We sipped in silence for a while, watching the Tree.

"So who is Demidi De Soliel?" he eventually asked me.

I shrugged. "De Soliel is the Voice of Art in the Twenty Second Century. De Soliel is the pace setter, the arbiter of taste, the leader of fashion, the Sun of Criticism around which all Art revolves."


"Ah. So his opinion is important, then?"

I nodded. "Absolutely. You can't get serious consideration in the Art world without a nod of approval from him. And as it is... Tell me, how did you invite your guests?"

"Random Net search. Pulled out names with Art connections. How else? I've been away for 65 years, Earth time, piloting a starship. I only got back a few months ago, and I've been working on the Tree ever since. I didn't know anyone in the current Art scene. I take it I should have given De Soliel a special invitation?"

"You should have wined him, dined him, and begged him personally to favour your exhibition with a few moments of his most valuable time."

Vechery snorted. "Would it have made any difference?"

"Well - he might have been kinder."

Vechery gave me a long look. "What he said - was there anything in it?"

I took a deep breath. "Well - De Soliel's an egomaniac, but he's not without talent as a critic..."

"I thought you said you liked it!"

"I said that it's a unique new medium - and so it is. It's got potential: it could be the biggest thing in Art for centuries! Could have been. But De Soliel will trash it - and anyone who is anyone will follow his lead."

"Including you?"

"No. I'll do my best for you. But my readership is barely in the thousands, and it doesn't include anyone who matters. Nobody who does will go against De Soliel. In the Art world, you're dead. Sorry."

"Dead? Oh, I think not, Gardine!" Vechery looked at me with fire in his eyes. "I'm not about to give up just because that arrogant bastard didn't get the right strokes to his ego!" He turned to look at the Tree. "Copying nature, eh?"


De Soliel's review of 'Tree' was witty, caustic and short. It proved as utterly damming as I'd predicted. I wrote a strong editorial in favour of fresh ideas, and saw my readership dip alarmingly.

Taran Vechery dropped out of sight. Rumour had it that he'd left Earth for good, laughed out of the Solar System. I didn't believe it: there was more to Vechery than that.

I was proved right a few months later, when a cryptic note invited me to attend a new "Exhibition of Trans-Temporal Art", to be held in a large open-air sports stadium.

As before, there was only one exhibit, but this time it was considerably larger than even the Tree. I got there early, in time to see Vechery bring his new work to life.

It started with just a flat plain, shimmering slightly within the time-field. Then holes appeared in the ground, slowly lengthening into trenches - foundations, I realised, as stone blocks began to appear out of nowhere, building themselves up into walls. A palace grew before our eyes: soaring spires, flowing buttresses, towers, walls, lakes, gardens.

It reached its magnificent peak, a huge edifice that filled the stadium. Then, as I watched, decay set in. The walls weathered, aged: tiles slipped, brickwork crumbled, stones cracked. The lakes became stagnant, the gardens overgrown. A tower fell, a roof caved in, the interior floors swiftly followed. For a brief moment the walls remained, stark skeletons, before they also crumbled, tottered and slid wearily to the ground. A pile of rubble remained, overgrown by wild vegetation. The water dried up, the plants died. The dry stones crumbled still further, an invisible wind drifting their dust away.

At last there was just a flat plain, fading into darkness.

There was a spontaneous outburst of applause from the sparse audience - not one of whom I recognised as being of any significance in the art world. I clapped as well: it had been a truly impressive performance. Glancing at my wrist tattoo, I saw that it had been a full hour from start to finish, but I'd had no awareness of the time passing. At least, not my time.

Vechery made his appearance, greeting people here and there but making his way towards me. Behind him, the plain reappeared, as the sequence began to run again.

"Well?" He asked. "What do you think of 'The Works of Humanity'?"

I held up my hands. "Incredible. Breath taking. Magnificent."

"What - all of that?" He laughed.

"Certainly. Was it difficult to achieve that decay effect?"

"The decay was the easy part. I just increased the relative time flow. The hard part was the building section. I borrowed a technique from right back in the 20th century - cartoon films. 'Animation', they called it. I had to put each building block in separately, in its own time frame, then run the frames together.... But never mind the technical details. Is it Art?"


I shrugged. "It is for me. But what about De Soliel?"

Vechery gave a wry smile. "Not here is he? Well, I tried. I sent personal invitations, with gifts... But I never did get a reply. It seems I've been snubbed."

A mere snub, however, was insufficient for De Soliel.

He did attend the exhibition. He came late, and alone, and 'in light only' - which was an insult in itself, considering the personalised invitation. He didn't talk to Vechery, or to anyone else. He merely appeared, cast a glance over 'The Works of Man', and gave it a smile of condescending amusement. Then he blinked out, without waiting to see the full cycle and without even the courtesy of pretending to use the exits.

He was noticed, of course, and his abrupt departure signified the end of the evening. Once more, Vechery and I were left alone. But this time there was no conversation. He sat and brooded, watching his creation go through its endless cycles of growth and decay, and after a while I said goodnight and went home.

It was a week or two before De Soliel even bothered to comment. When he did, it was brief and dismissive.

"Vechery is not an artist. He has no understanding of Art. He cannot distinguish between clever technological tricks and true creativity. He communicates nothing of himself: he shows nothing of his soul."

I did all I could to redress the balance. In an editorial, I pointed out that this was a new medium, and needed to be given the opportunity to develop.

"Most artists spend many years seeking to perfect their technique, whilst also developing an understanding of themselves. It takes time for the artist's message to become clear in their own mind, and only then can they communicate it to others. Vechery has entered the Art world with a brand new technique already perfected: he must be allowed time to discover what he wants to say with it."

This put me in direct conflict with De Soliel, and I added to that the crime of mentioning that he had not even given 'The Works of Man' a proper consideration. De Soliel himself didn't deign to notice my criticism, but my readership dwindled still further. A brief note from Vechery, thanking me for my support and 'taking note of' my comments didn't really redress the balance.


Over the next year, Vechery produced several more works of 'Temporal Art', none of which had any greater success. De Soliel did not attend any more of Vechery's exhibitions, and did not even mention them. For my part I believed I saw an increasing maturity and depth in Vechery's work: but I could do nothing for him. Insights was now virtually defunct, and I was reduced to freelancing the art pages of general interest netzines. Under a pen name.

It was while on an assignment for one of these netzines that I chanced to see the last but one confrontation between Vechery and De Soliel.

The event was the opening of a major Arts festival, at which De Soliel was - naturally - the guest of honour. How Vechery got in, I don't know: but as one of only 15 human Temporal Engineers he was wealthy and influential in his own right. Just not in the art world.

De Soliel was holding forth in magnificent style to his usual entourage. I was hanging back, hoping to pick up something newsworthy without being recognized. When I spotted Vechery making his way towards us, I knew that I'd get a story at least.

"Mr De Soliel." Vechery spoke calmly, but there was a bright and dangerous light in his eyes. "I have a gift for you."

De Soliel looked him up and down disdainfully. "Have we met? Ah - of course. You're the engineer, aren't you."

Vechery frowned. "You know well enough who I am, De Soliel. And this is for you - my latest work." He held out his left hand, and there on his palm a Temporal Sculpture sprang to life.

A grape vine grew up from Vechery's hand. Clusters of grapes formed. The vines vanished, whilst the grapes seemed to be imploding, crushing themselves. Juice ran freely through the air above Vechery's hand: he held up a wine glass with his other hand and caught the juice in it. The crushed grapes vanished from view.

Vechery held the glass up, showed it around. "Interactive Sculpture - untitled, as yet." He announced. "Art which you do not merely observe, but experience. It becomes part of you. Literally!" He offered the glass to De Soliel. "A glass of wine?" He asked. "I assure you, it's properly aged."


De Soliel stared at the wine glass, and for a moment I thought he would take it. He was well known to be a connoisseur of fine wines. Then he looked up from the glass, and stared instead into Vechery's face.

"My poor, dear Mr Vechery.... is this little show supposed to convince me that you are an artist? What will you do - get me drunk on your instant vintage?"

"I have shown you growth, I have shown you decay - I have shown you life transmuted before your eyes!" There was anger in Vechery's voice now, and pent up frustration all but ready to boil out. "What will it take to convince you? Or are you incapable of change - is that it? De Soliel cannot have been wrong, therefore cannot change his mind, cannot revise his opinion?"

"You dare! You dare to...!" I had never seen De Soliel lose his composure before. I doubt if anyone there had. But now his fury was breaking through the cultivated veneer, and he looked ugly with it. "You yokel! Still playing your clever little tricks and daring to tell me - me! - that it is art! It is all soulless technology - and an alien technology at that!"

Vechery laughed in his face. "So that's your problem! An anti-alien bigot! Or else just a technophobe! Is that the extent of your criticism, De Soliel? Trash what you cannot understand, denigrate what is beyond your comprehension?"

De Soliel struck out, knocking the wine glass from Vechery's hand. "What's to comprehend?" he snarled. "What is there worth my understanding? There is no insight, no depth to your.... gadgets. Art must have a human element in it. Your work has nothing of that! But then, that would be beyond your understanding! Now get out of here! Get back to your machines and devices and instruments - and leave Art to those who have true comprehension!"

They glared at each other. "Go!" De Soliel hissed. "Or I'll have you thrown out!"

Vechery shrugged. "Very well then!" He turned away, and stalked off - giving me a nod of recognition on the way. Which, under the circumstances, I did not appreciate.

"Now, then, has anyone got a decent wine, here?" De Soliel asked breezily. "Dealing with that sort is thirsty work - I hope..."


He was interrupted: Vechery, halfway across the room, swung round and called out to him.

"Thank you for your advice, Mr De Soliel. The Human Element! I shall bear that in mind!"

And with that he turned away again, and left. I left as well: after his recognition of me, no one else wanted me around. It was like leprosy.


I thought that I'd heard the last of Taran Vechery. But just a few weeks later, I got a holocom from him.

"Just called to say goodbye," he announced. He looked surprisingly cheerful. "I'm at the shuttleport now: I'm taking a new starship out in a few hours."

"Right. So - you've given up on Temporal Art?" I asked cautiously.

He chuckled. "Not quite. But I'm putting it on hold for a while. I'll take your advice, find time to think about what I really want to say. It'll be fifty, perhaps a hundred years Earth time before I'm back. I expect that the Art world will be very different then."

"Well, I hope so!" I agreed.

"Listen, Gardine, I've never really thanked you for your support. I know it cost you. Anyhow, for what it's worth, I'm giving you all my Temporal Sculptures. They might be worth something, if the market changes, and I've a feeling that it might. Meantime, they're in storage. The address is on your netzine page."

"Well - thanks a lot!" I was stunned.

"No problem. Only thing is, don't fiddle with them. Could be dangerous. Get another Temporal Engineer to work on them, if you need to."

"Ah - yes, of course."

"Right, got to go. Oh, nearly forgot. There's a new work there. Called ' The Human Element'. I think you'll like it."

He signed off.

Of course, he must have guessed that I'd be in a hurry to see his new work. But he'd set it up so that his starship had already slipped into Temporal Drive before I could reach the storage facility.

It stood in a room on its own, all set up as if for an exhibition.

It's still not clear how he got De Soliel down there. The Police think that he had some underworld contacts, and hired a professional kidnapping. However, De Soliel doesn't appear to have been physically injured: as far as we can tell, he's quite unharmed within the time field. But he's not happy. As he runs through the cycle that takes him from foetus to old age and back in the space of a minute, there are a few short moments when we can recognise the Demidi De Soliel we all know so well. And he looks... desperate.


Bearing in mind Vechery's advice, no attempt has yet been made to release him. They're waiting for the next Isha'hassat starship to bring in another Temporal Engineer. In the meantime the Police have issued an entirely useless warrant for Vechery's arrest. Not only is he quite beyond the jurisdiction of any human agency, it's not even clear what he could be charged with. It can't be murder, since De Soliel isn't dead - except perhaps for a brief moment every minute. So far they're calling it 'Unlawful Detainment', which seems rather weak.

But that's not the big debate in the Art world: and with De Soliel out of the way, we have real debate for the first time in years. Temporal Art is getting a new hearing: Insights recently did a review of Vechery's work, and the readership went sky-high.

Still, the major question about 'The Human Element' remains unresolved. What do you think?

Is it Art?

Fernando Sorrentino


The Lesson
Translated from the Spanish
by Clark M. Zlotchew

After my graduation from high school I took a clerical job with a Buenos Aires insurance company. The job was extremely unpleasant and I found myself among some pretty annoying people with whom I had nothing in common, but as I was barely eighteen years old, I didn't much care.
It was a ten-storey building served by four elevators. Three of them were assigned to the personnel in general, without regard to rank or position. But the fourth elevator — which was carpeted in red and had three mirrors and special décor — was reserved for the exclusive use of the company president, the members of the Board of Directors and the general manager. This meant that only they could ride the red elevator, but this would not prevent them from using the other three.
I had never laid eyes either on the company president or the members of the Board of Directors. But, every once in a while, and always from a distance, I caught sight of the general manager, with whom, nevertheless, I had never exchanged a single word. He was a man of about fifty years of age, and had a "noble" and "lordly" bearing. I considered him to be a sort of cross between an old-time Argentine gentleman and a thoroughly incorruptible magistrate of some supreme court. His graying hair, his neatly-trimmed mustache, his conservative suits and his affable manners had made me — and I detested all my immediate bosses — feel some degree of fondness toward don Fernando. That is how they addressed him: don plus his given name and without the family name, a form of address somewhere between what might seem like familiarity and the veneration owed to a feudal lord.
The offices occupied by don Fernando and his retinue took up the entire fifth floor of the building. Our section was on the third floor, but, since I was the least important employee, they would send me from one floor to another to run errands. On the tenth floor there were only some ill-tempered old men and ugly women who always seemed to be enraged about something or other. Up there a kind of dossier was kept active in which, five minutes before leaving the premises, I had to — without fail — leave a bundle of papers containing summaries of all the tasks carried out in our section that day.


One evening — having already handed in those papers — I was on the tenth floor, ready to go home. I was waiting for the elevator. I was no longer in shirt sleeves, I had put on my jacket, my hair was combed, I had adjusted my necktie and looked in the mirror. I was clutching my leather attaché case.
Suddenly, don Fernando himself was standing beside me, looking as though he too was waiting for the elevator.
I greeted him with the utmost respect: "Good evening, don Fernando."
Don Fernando went beyond a simple greeting. He shook my hand and said, "I'm pleased to meet you, young man. I see that you concluded a fruitful day's labor and are now leaving the premises in search of your well-earned rest."
That attitude and those words — in which I thought I perceived a certain nuance of irony — made me nervous. I felt my face redden.
At that moment, one of the elevators assigned to the "commoners" arrived, and the door opened automatically, revealing a deserted interior. I held the door open by keeping my finger on the button, while saying to don Fernando, "After you, sir."
"No, no; by no means, young man," don Fernando replied with a smile. "You go first."
"No, sir, please. I couldn't. After you, please."
"Get in, young man," he sounded impatient. "Please."
This "please" was pronounced in such a peremptory manner that I had to take it as an order. I bowed slightly and entered the elevator. Don Fernando came in after me.
The doors slid shut.
"Are you going to the fifth floor, don Fernando?"
"To the ground floor. I'm going home just as you are. I believe that I too have a right to some rest, don't you think?"
I didn't know what to say. The presence of that captain of industry — and so close — made me extremely uncomfortable. I forced myself to bear up stoically under the silence that would last for nine floors until we'd come to the ground floor. I didn't have the nerve even to look at don Fernando; instead, I kept staring at my shoes.
"What section do you work in, young man?"
"In Production Management, sir." I had just noticed that don Fernando was quite a bit shorter than I.


"Aha," he stroked his chin with index finger and thumb, "your immediate boss is Mr. Biotti, if I'm not mistaken."
"Yes, sir. It is Mr. Biotti."
I detested Mr. Biotti, who I thought was a conceited imbecile, but I did not give this information to don Fernando.
"And didn't Mr. Biotti ever tell you that you ought to respect the chain of command within the company?"
"Wha, what, sir?"
"What is your name?"
"Roberto Kriskovich."
"Oh, a Polish name."
"No, sir, it's not Polish. It's a Croatian name."
We had finally landed on the ground floor. Don Fernando, who was next to the doors, stepped to one side to allow me to go out first.
"Please," he ordered.
"No, sir, please," I answered. I was extremely nervous. "After you."
Don Fernando gave me a look that seemed to bore a hole in me.
"Young man, please, I implore you, get out."
Intimidated, I obeyed.
"It's never too late to learn, young man," he said, as he stepped out into the street ahead of me. "Have a cup of coffee on me."
And so we went into the corner cafeteria, with don Fernando leading the way, me following behind. This is how I found myself face to face with the general manager with nothing but the table separating us.
"How long have you been working for the company?"
"I began last December, sir."
"In other words, it hasn't even been a year that you've worked here."
"It will be nine months next week, don Fernando."
"Well then: I've been with this firm for twenty seven years." He gave me another of those hard looks.
Since I felt he expected some reaction from me, I nodded my head, trying to show some kind of restrained admiration.
He slipped a small calculator out of his pocket.
"Twenty seven years, multiplied by twelve months, make a total of three hundred twenty four months. Three hundred twenty four months divided by nine months come out to thirty six. This means that I've been with the company thirty six times longer than you have. What's more, you are merely a common employee while I am the general manager. Lastly, you are only nineteen or twenty years of age, and I am fifty two. Isn't that so?"
"Yes, yes, of course."


"Besides, you're taking courses at the University, aren't you?"
"Yes, don Fernando, I'm majoring in Literature, with a specialization in Greek and Latin."
He made a face, as if he had been personally insulted. He said, "At any rate, let's see if you actually graduate. On the other hand, I have the doctorate in Economics, having graduated with extremely high grades."
I lowered my head to show humility.
He continued, "And, things being as they are, don't you think I deserve special consideration?"
"Yes, sir. Absolutely."
"Well then, how did you have the gall to get into the elevator ahead of me…? And, as if that show of audacity weren't enough, you got out before I did."
"Well, sir, I didn't want to be impertinent or stubborn. It's just that you were so insistent…"
"Whether I'm insistent or not is my business. But you should have realized that under no circumstances whatsoever should you get into the elevator before I do. Or get out before I do. Or, worse yet, contradict me. Why did you tell me that your family name is Croatian when I told you it was Polish?"
"But it really is a Croatian name; my parents were born in Split, Yugoslavia."
"I don't care where your parents were born or where they weren't born. If I say that your name is Polish, you cannot, and must not, contradict me."
"I apologize, sir. I'll never do it again."
"Very good. So your parents were born in Split, Yugoslavia?"
"No, sir. They were not born there."
"And where were they born?"
"In Krakow, Poland."
"How strange!" Don Fernando opened his arms, showing his amazement. "How can it be that you have a Croatian family name when your parents are Polish?"
"The fact is that, due to a family dispute with legal ramifications, all four of my grandparents emigrated from Yugoslavia to Poland. And my parents were born in Poland."
Don Fernando's face darkened with an enormous sadness.
"I am much older than you, and I believe I don't deserve to be made a fool of. Tell me, young man, how could you even think of weaving such a web of bald-faced lies? How could you even think that I could believe that hare-brained fairy tale? Didn't you tell me previously that your parents were born in Split?"


"Yes, sir, but since you told me that I shouldn't contradict you, I admitted that my parents were born in Krakow."
"Be that as it may, you have lied to me."
"Yes, sir, that's right: I've lied to you."
"Lying to your superior betrays an enormous lack of respect and furthermore, just like any false information, constitutes a danger to the welfare of the company."
"That is true, sir. I agree with everything you're saying."
"Well said, my boy, and I'm even inclined to see a modicum of value in you, now that I see you so docile and reasonable. But I want you to undergo one final test. We have two cups of coffee. Who will pick up the tab?"
"I would be glad to do it."
"You have lied to me once again. You, who receive a very low salary, cannot be happy to pay for the general manager's coffee when you know the general manager makes more in one month than you will in two years. So, I'm asking you not to lie to me and to tell me the truth: Is it true that you like paying for my coffee?"
"No, don Fernando, the truth is that I don't like it."
"But, despite the fact that you don't like it, are you prepared to do it?"
"Yes, don Fernando, I'm prepared to do it."
"Well then, go ahead and do it! Pay and don't make me waste more time, for heaven's sake!"
I called the waiter over and paid for the two coffees. We went out into the street, don Fernando ahead of me. We found ourselves at the entrance to the subway.
"Very well, young man, I'm going to have to take my leave of you now. I sincerely hope you have internalized the lesson and that you will profit from it in the future."
He shook my hand and went down the stairs to the Florida subway station.
I've already said that I didn't like that job. Before the year was up, I took a less unpleasant job with another company. During the last two months I worked for that insurance company, I saw don Fernando a couple of times, but always from a distance, so I never again received any other lessons from him.

Esther Claes


The Star

When the world started to end, you were ashamed of yourself for weeping bitterly in your bedroom for an entire day. You saw the president crying and begging on TV and it sent you into a panic. You lay in bed with the blankets pulled up to your nose, crying, refusing to answer the door when the maid, your manager, your assistant, and finally your parents begged you to come out.

After twenty-four hours, your father took the door off its hinges and dragged you down the stairs into your sunken living room with the white carpet and leather couches. You kicked and screamed until he had to pick you up and carry you over his shoulder. You called him a motherfucker and threatened to take back the Mercedes you'd purchased for him last Christmas.

Your mother sat solemnly on the couch, her hands clenched into fists on top of the newspaper in her lap. She said it was all over.

You glowered and glared; you asked what the hell is happening, and will you still be on the talk show circuit next month?

The television stations are all color bars and static. Your father says that the talk shows are all gone, and not to worry. He tells you that there are far more important things happening right now. How can you not worry? You were supposed to debut your new fragrance next month to coincide with the release of your latest album.

Your mother tells you that the album isn't going to happen, and she clenches her fists even tighter than before. You can't believe what she's saying. How can she say that? There will always be an album, and there will always be television. You tell your parents they're idiots, and that this will all blow over in a few days, as soon as they replace that pussy of a president.

Your mother says that the world is ending. They dropped bombs, she says darkly.
There are diseases and radiation poisoning spreading all over the country, your father says.

Not in LA you shout defiantly.

Your mother holds up the newspapers one at a time. WAR is on the cover of each one, along with speculations on the doomed fate of the country, including LA. You feel sick, you're dizzy. You want to know what you did to deserve this, and how anyone could possibly do such a thing before you had a chance to accomplish the things that mean so much to you.



*

Two days later, your mother and father are discussing survival, and filling jugs with water from the tap just in case. Your father is worried about the electricity holding out. You sit in the living room wondering why all the servants quit the day before, and if your assistant is ever going to call you back. The only connection to the outside world is the radio, and it's hard to get real information between the crying and praying on almost every channel. On the pop station, the dj says over and over that it's only a matter of time. Your father tells you to switch to the AM band because they have more sense on AM, goddammit.

You hear reports of death and destruction all over the country, and all you can think is that you hope LA is okay. Even after reports of people dead in their cars, you imagine Rodeo Drive the same as it ever was, untouched by nasty things like war, sickness and death. How could a place a beautiful as Hollywood ever be destroyed? No one messes with LA, you say, and your father won't look you in the eye.

When the electricity goes out that night, your eyes fill with frustrated tears, and you light the scented candles you'd been saving for a special occasion. The radio runs on batteries, but they won't last long. Your father tells you to conserve them, and stop leaving the radio on so much. You tell him to shut up, and that you can afford thousands of batteries. The man on the radio says that much of the east coast is destroyed, along with Detroit and Chicago. He says that the radiation is coming west at an alarming rate, and you wish you had a map so you'd know what that meant. Instead of worrying, you get out that limited edition pink nail polish and give yourself a pedicure. It isn't until you spill the bottle, and nail polish gets all over the carpet that you realize you can't stop crying.

In the morning, your dad tells you that your mother is very sick, and he doesn't feel so well himself. You roll your eyes and tell them to take some pepto, but on the inside, you can't deal with the possibility of them dying and leaving you alone, so you go back to your room and sit in front of the window. Your yard looks the same. There is no death and destruction on your property, but you wonder what's changed outside of your front gates.


In the afternoon, you bring your four gold records and three Grammy awards up to your room so you can look at them. Your finger traces your name on the awards over and over, and you can't comprehend how someone who has accomplished so much in such a short time should be allowed to go through something as horrible as this. You're a star, for God's sake, you deserve better than this.

Your father is calling your name in the hall. He sounds sick. His voice breaks repeatedly, and he's gagging between words. You don't want him to throw up on the carpet in the hall, but you keep your mouth shut. If he does, the cleaning woman will take care of it tomorrow. You pull the blankets up to your chin and close your eyes. Your father's voice sounds farther and farther away now as you clutch the Grammy close to your chest and squeeze your eyes shut.

Tomorrow you'll wake up and things will be better. Tomorrow you'll be on the Tonight Show, and be as charming as ever. Tomorrow your agent will apologize for not calling. Tomorrow you'll still be a star.